More of the Plot is Revealed....

I attended a family funeral today. The greatest generation is slipping away. My aunt was 85 and crippled with arthritis and a series of illnesses which robbed her of peace for many years. Her death is a mercy, but she will be missed by the sisters and daughters who loved her, and by the fringes of family that seldom saw her, but were comforted by memories of the times that we did spend with her growing up.
It was hotter than old billy hell in East Texas this afternoon and despite its name there is little shade in the cemetery where my maternal ancestors are waiting for the Resurrection. That's fitting weather for my cousins to come together. It was always the summer when we had the opportunity to be "up home". While my grandmother was out of school, she would keep any combination of cousins who came for at least a week at the time.
There were eight cousins. Four girls came first, followed by four boys. The youngest girl and the youngest boy have died. Neither of them lived to be fifty. But back in the summers of our childhood, we "canned" the peaches from our grandparents trees. We rode an old horse that my grandfather would saddle up for us to share. We slept four in a bed on the sleeping porch to be cooler. And after the peas were picked and shelled, my grandfather would sometimes drive you into town for a swim in the city pool.
We had history....Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings. We had vacation Bible school and skirts alike that my grandma made on the Singer. But then my grandmother died and things began to change.
There were longer periods of time when we didn't see one another. There were graduations and college and weddings. There were divorces and moves. There were illnesses and deaths. Events brought us together, but not frequently. But always there was the history that made you feel a connection.
Today I learned another piece of the history. It seems that our family had a secret that very few shared. There was a baby quite a long time ago. She was adopted by another family and her young birth mother went away to college and eventually to a career in another state.
When the baby turned eighteen she found her birth mother and began a relationship, but the matter was not widely known. Now the baby is thirty-something with babies of her own.
Happily, today when the minister read the list of my aunt's survivors, he named a granddaughter and two great-grandchildren.
It was not so hot in the cemetery under the funeral home's portable awning that this information failed to register with the unknowing.
I don't know how many more times our family will be together. The occasions seem to fewer and further between and maybe all the secrets have been revealed.

Stop the Testing

A couple of weeks ago the newspapers published the district by district results of the TAKS test.
Today's Chronicle carried an article about a TAKS Revolt. Now that it's time to go back to work, my attention can turn back to the matter of what the TEST has done to education in this state.
Accountability was an idea that had appeal for the taxpayers who fund public education because they needed to have some way to be sure they were getting their money's worth. Standardized tests allow the state to prove that they are providing comparable education at every level of the socio-economic scale. It has become a tool of the real estate market to orient consumers to the "good school districts" based upon their TEA accountability rating and the TEST scores.
But, if anyone would care to listen to teachers, we can tell you the truth about what the emphasis on standardized testing has done to education in this state.
I teach seniors in high school. I teach government, but I can tell you that no one cares if your kid learns anything about government or civic responsibility because the subject is taught in twelfth grade after students have taken the exit test. The content of the course is not tested, so it is of no importance.
I happen to believe that the Constitution is an important document, and that if the Bush-Cheney administration hasn't completely abandoned it, we may return to the rule of law, at which time Americans may once again realize that in a democracy it is necessary to have an educated and informed electorate.
But the flaw is not just about the subject that I teach. The problem is that I am receiving students in my class who are on track to graduate from high school and they are functioning far below grade level. These kids can read, but they are word callers. They derive no meaning from what they read, because they haven't been taught to read for context and for connections. They have been taught to look for key words by scanning. This helps you narrow down your choices when you are guessing on the TAKS test.
The failure of the accountability system is now becoming apparent to the business community and to interests outside the realm of education because our kids are not prepared for college, and they are not prepared to enter the work force.
They don't know how to think! They aren't creative, they are not problem solvers. Their written and oral communications skills are abysmal due to formulaic writing requirements on the TEST and their reliance on electronic communications replete with its peculiar abbreviated forms.
Teachers have known for a very long time how detrimental the testing system is to education. But, no one values the opinions of teachers. How can you take the word of people who will work for such low pay?
Hopefully organizations such as Raise Your Hand Texas will be able to influence the legislature to make the changes that are necessary before it is too late. You only have to read a little history to know that ignorance is the condition of the enslaved, not of the free.

Failure of the Power of Now

I think this must be depression. I cannot focus on anything except how many things I need to get done and how few of them are going to get accomplished. I have so many distractions they are like ants crawling toward the sugar bowl of my mind.
I came home a day early from a weekend at the lake. Left the girls with the grandmother faces behind and came home feeling like an orphan who needed to come home from summer camp. I was having a great time, but woke up with some vague stomach complaint and never got feeling better all day. I took one of everything in the medicine cabinet and slept off and on all afternoon. Nothing cheered me up, not even a Skype with the Munchkin and her mama.
I know that the death Saturday of my Aunt is very likely a big part of these feelings. I haven't seen her in years, and she is certainly better off out of pain and suffering, but I have this bleak feeling that I need to attribute to something.
Maybe going back to work is not as welcome a change as I tried making myself believe. I had an electronic mailbox full of agendas and meetings and changes that are coming. Reading all of that seemed a little overwhelming and certainly lacked the comfort that I'm seeking.
I can't make a decision about anything...even simple things like whether to shampoo my hair today or wait until tomorrow. I am fretting about whether to rent a room at the reunion hotel or drive home late and be scared out of my mind.
I have a dozen ideas for projects that need to be set up or finished so that I don't forget them before I have to get back to work.
The world situation seems bleak .
I feel as if I've let down the team somehow.
Eckhart says that we can stop thinking. Get in the moment and ask yourself what is lacking at this moment. Attention. Here and Now. Wake up. I believe this is what I need to do...focus on now, get present and get over myself.

Summer Stuff

Went to an inservice today...that means school really is going to start and I really am going to have to go back to work. You know that being on vacation isn't going to last forever, but in this heat it is going to be hard to think about school.
Tropical Storm Edouard was a non-event. That is a good thing. We got much needed rain without any high wind damage or losing power. Caught a break on that one.
The high school reunion is only two weeks away now. I have finally decided to attend...I was dragging my feet, but decided my attitude was awful, and besides I have committed to The Year of Saying Yes, so now I can't say no. Now I have to get out and find something absolutely perfect to wear. Not too long, not too short or too tight, or too fussy. Can't show arm flab or too much neckline...really needs a collar and the right color so you look radiant and not washed out. OMG, this is why I didn't think I wanted to go....too much pressure for sure.
Then there's the presidential campaign. One of my friends from school has joined some No Obama organization. She's fighting "communism" for God's sake! I'm pretty sure she wouldn't post anything on my wall if she knew that I gave money to his campaign!! I don't know if he's the perfect answer to America's problems, but I'm pretty sure that McCain isn't. He is sounding more and more like the GOP's voice of fear. "Be very afraid America and vote Republican."
He's out of touch and I'm pretty sure that even if we "drill right here, right now" there's not going to be a dime's worth of difference in the price of gasoline at the pump any time soon.
Now they want to make this congressional vacation an issue. Hell, he hasn't been on the Senate floor for no telling how long, and Congress shouldn't take a vacation?!
The Olympics begin tomorrow and President Bush has gone for the opening ceremonies in Beijing. Should he be there? Who knows? Ron Suskind has published a new book that sets out the story of how Bush and Cheney falsified intelligence to get the war they wanted in Iraq. If this is true, it sounds like W might better just hightail it to Shanghai and stay there to avoid prosecution. Madame Speaker might not be able to ignore incontrovertible evidence.
Friday the Grandmas Gone Wild annual trip to the Vacation Spot gets going. I'm all set to roll after I get my roots touched up tomorrow at the Overpriced Salon and Day Spa.
Summer is a wonderful season...so much to do and think about.