I think this must be depression. I cannot focus on anything except how many things I need to get done and how few of them are going to get accomplished. I have so many distractions they are like ants crawling toward the sugar bowl of my mind.
I came home a day early from a weekend at the lake. Left the girls with the grandmother faces behind and came home feeling like an orphan who needed to come home from summer camp. I was having a great time, but woke up with some vague stomach complaint and never got feeling better all day. I took one of everything in the medicine cabinet and slept off and on all afternoon. Nothing cheered me up, not even a Skype with the Munchkin and her mama.
I know that the death Saturday of my Aunt is very likely a big part of these feelings. I haven't seen her in years, and she is certainly better off out of pain and suffering, but I have this bleak feeling that I need to attribute to something.
Maybe going back to work is not as welcome a change as I tried making myself believe. I had an electronic mailbox full of agendas and meetings and changes that are coming. Reading all of that seemed a little overwhelming and certainly lacked the comfort that I'm seeking.
I can't make a decision about anything...even simple things like whether to shampoo my hair today or wait until tomorrow. I am fretting about whether to rent a room at the reunion hotel or drive home late and be scared out of my mind.
I have a dozen ideas for projects that need to be set up or finished so that I don't forget them before I have to get back to work.
The world situation seems bleak .
I feel as if I've let down the team somehow.
Eckhart says that we can stop thinking. Get in the moment and ask yourself what is lacking at this moment. Attention. Here and Now. Wake up. I believe this is what I need to do...focus on now, get present and get over myself.
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